...Avoiding on Purpose...

Redundant? Perhaps....

I have been on a blog strike.

I haven't even signed into Google in days. Don't be offended that I haven't been reading your blog posts. I care about you, but....

I think I am in denial....Actually, I know I'm in denial.

My life is in the middle of turning upside down. It will be fine when it actually reaches the "upside down" point, but right now, it's like I'm stuck sideways and all of my "stuff" is just flying around. The worst part is, I don't know when it will normalize again.

The past two (I guess, three) years have been a perpetual state of limbo. I never knew what to expect on any given day---from finding out we were having triplets, to fears of losing them during a rough pregnancy, to fears of losing them after their premature births, to not knowing how I was going to make it through any given day, and, although a lot has changed and my previous fears have subsided, new ones have developed. It's a really hard transition to go from pretty much a solid boring routine with no surprises to COMPLETE CHAOS! I've completely changed as a person. At this point, I just go with the flow and take almost everything that comes at me in stride (almost). :) But it still annoys me....

However, I couldn't be happier with my life. I have the best husband and wonderful, cute children that make it all worth it. But we all have our moments, right?

So, as expected, just as I'm starting to get the hang of 'not-getting-the-hang-of-things', everything changes----again!

As I mentioned previously, we are renovating and remodeling our much needed new home..... slowly but surely. Then I will need to pack up my current house--which, by the way, has been COMPLETELY neglected. (I guess I have just shut down knowing that it will all be sorted through and packed soon enough that I figure there is no point in doing it now...even though it causes much more additional stress at home.) So not having a for sure or even kind of an idea of when we are moving is really, really hard. Especially when everyday I try to keep my children from climbing the walls and getting into things that don't have a "place" and destroying it. For example a cook book that I was reading on the counter today is missing a page of the index and the back cover. I don't understand why they feel the need to completely dismantle EVERYTHING. But I'm getting off track again....

To make things worse, just as I feel I've gotten close to someone, they are leaving. Gosh. I can't even talk about it. I've been rather lonely since I moved here 6 years ago and find it hard to reach out to others. Having my girls and being indoors most of the time with them has not helped, but I definitely blame myself and my own "social anxiety" for my lack of close friends and loneliness. So when this person reached out to me and basically "forced" herself into my life, it was the best thing for me. I needed that push. (I don't mean forced in a negative way---she just wouldn't take a "no, we're fine" for an answer. I couldn't be more grateful) She didn't even know me and yet she offered to come to my house and help me clean. She folded massive piles of baby clothes and even DUSTED, for heaven's sake! {{What am I going to do without you??}} OK. Can't talk about it anymore. I am unable to see what I'm typing through the tears. I love you and I'll miss you. End of that pathetic sob story. :P

So, I have these ebbs and flows of emotions where sometimes I feel so positive about it all and sometimes it's downright depressing. But I'll make it through these events and feelings, just as I did before. Everything happens for a reason. I couldn't believe anything more.