5.14.2009

...Avoiding on Purpose...

Redundant? Perhaps....

I have been on a blog strike.

I haven't even signed into Google in days. Don't be offended that I haven't been reading your blog posts. I care about you, but....

I think I am in denial....Actually, I know I'm in denial.

My life is in the middle of turning upside down. It will be fine when it actually reaches the "upside down" point, but right now, it's like I'm stuck sideways and all of my "stuff" is just flying around. The worst part is, I don't know when it will normalize again.

The past two (I guess, three) years have been a perpetual state of limbo. I never knew what to expect on any given day---from finding out we were having triplets, to fears of losing them during a rough pregnancy, to fears of losing them after their premature births, to not knowing how I was going to make it through any given day, and, although a lot has changed and my previous fears have subsided, new ones have developed. It's a really hard transition to go from pretty much a solid boring routine with no surprises to COMPLETE CHAOS! I've completely changed as a person. At this point, I just go with the flow and take almost everything that comes at me in stride (almost). :) But it still annoys me....

However, I couldn't be happier with my life. I have the best husband and wonderful, cute children that make it all worth it. But we all have our moments, right?

So, as expected, just as I'm starting to get the hang of 'not-getting-the-hang-of-things', everything changes----again!

As I mentioned previously, we are renovating and remodeling our much needed new home..... slowly but surely. Then I will need to pack up my current house--which, by the way, has been COMPLETELY neglected. (I guess I have just shut down knowing that it will all be sorted through and packed soon enough that I figure there is no point in doing it now...even though it causes much more additional stress at home.) So not having a for sure or even kind of an idea of when we are moving is really, really hard. Especially when everyday I try to keep my children from climbing the walls and getting into things that don't have a "place" and destroying it. For example a cook book that I was reading on the counter today is missing a page of the index and the back cover. I don't understand why they feel the need to completely dismantle EVERYTHING. But I'm getting off track again....

To make things worse, just as I feel I've gotten close to someone, they are leaving. Gosh. I can't even talk about it. I've been rather lonely since I moved here 6 years ago and find it hard to reach out to others. Having my girls and being indoors most of the time with them has not helped, but I definitely blame myself and my own "social anxiety" for my lack of close friends and loneliness. So when this person reached out to me and basically "forced" herself into my life, it was the best thing for me. I needed that push. (I don't mean forced in a negative way---she just wouldn't take a "no, we're fine" for an answer. I couldn't be more grateful) She didn't even know me and yet she offered to come to my house and help me clean. She folded massive piles of baby clothes and even DUSTED, for heaven's sake! {{What am I going to do without you??}} OK. Can't talk about it anymore. I am unable to see what I'm typing through the tears. I love you and I'll miss you. End of that pathetic sob story. :P

So, I have these ebbs and flows of emotions where sometimes I feel so positive about it all and sometimes it's downright depressing. But I'll make it through these events and feelings, just as I did before. Everything happens for a reason. I couldn't believe anything more.

8 comments:

Alma said...

Sis. LaPlaca... maybe your a little to hard on yourself... BREATHE!! Trust me.. Everyones house is dusty/dirty.. We just shove it under the bed when we know people are coming over. Along with 3 girls... I dont blame you...

Take care,
ALMA

The three of us! said...

Hey Chelsie. It is probably a little random to hear from me, but we are finally settled into our new house and back online. I love looking at your blog. You give me inspiration! When I have a tough day with my 1 toddler, I look at your blog and think, if she can raise all three of these beautiful little girls, then I can manage 1, right? You will get through this crazy remodel and then be so happy in your house that eventually you will forget completely about the heartache that it took to get there. (We lived with my Mom for 4 months while building our house, I know how you feel) Anyways, we'll keep in touch.
Come by our blog when you get a chance @ mayfieldtrio.blogspot.com
Teriann

Katy said...

the move will be just fine, don't pack boxes in your head before actually packing them... just gives you more to 'pack'.

i also have those 'ebbs and flows' :)
i'll email you later

Nat said...

Oh Chels. You're just so dang cute! And I've learned with kids, that there never is predictability! You're doing awesome, and I can't wait to see pics of your new house! YAY! I'm sorry about your friend moving-that's so hard. I have a hard time reaching out, too, which is why we've been here for almost four years, and I'm just barely starting to feel like I am making friends! Oh, and the fears and worry never go away-they just kind of get replaced with new fears and worries! Such is the life of moms, I think. Anyway, you are so cute, and you're an amazing mother.

Brittany said...

Chels, You are so dang cute! It's funny to read about others and realize that we all go through similar situations at some point in our lives! Hang on! You're an awesome job with your sweet little girls! Talk to you soon!

breymom said...

I love the way you're stuck sideways! I think this is why I feel dizzy sometimes:) I can relate to everything you said. I live in a remodel with five kids... keep blogging it's good medicine for me!

Tyson and Rachelle said...

Hey girl! I totally know how you feel. I have felt extreme lonliness here too and have struggled with "social anxiety" like never before! I hope you know that there is a friend across the country who thinks about you all the time! You are my hero! Keep it up, you are wonderful!

Kathy said...

You are amazing! Man, I think you are doing great! Like someone said, you're too hard on yourself! Things somehow work out, and God raises up friends for us and others to help us! You can do it! Hang in there!